Unpredictability, emotions, and why I'm ok with being wrong.

Unpredictability.

I love it! It’s one of the things about my cat that makes her just so cute- one second she wants attention and then the next she’s gone. Just like that. It makes me think of that study with training dogs… or at least I think it was with dogs. The conclusions were something along the lines of, “Dependence is accentuated by undependable behavior- both positive and negative enforcement combined.” Not that humans are dogs are the same, but we probably some of the same basic thinking patterns when it comes to emotional needs.

Anyway, about unpredictability. God is unpredictable. If He was, He wouldn’t be God. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to follow since we can’t possibly understand what He is doing in our lives. We have to blindly trust. Which in theory, doesn’t make sense. We have to trust to be able to trust? We have to believe in order to believe? But now I’m getting on a tangent. Well, if you've read this far hopefully that didn't bother you too much. Right? 

So, don't be too surprised if I jump from topic to topic like a banshee on too much caffeine. 

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I enjoy emotions.

This can be a good thing, but also a very bad thing as well. It is very easy to get carried away with a love for emotions. Emotions are intended to be temporary, but we like to control how long and when we feel them. Is this unhealthy? Probably. But it’s also natural, I think. Not that natural means right- there is a balance for everything.

It’s really hard to find the balance for everything, though.  How are we supposed to have opinions if there is no right answer? Some answers must be more right than others, but it’s important to weight both sides. It’s so easy to pick and argument and when the opposing side comes up with something that you find to be true, to completely disregard it and shoot it down for the sake of your own argument and pride. This is wrong. We need to learn from each other because there is just so much to learn! Being an open listener is hard, but necessary to becoming better people.

Some people like to argue. Mostly, though, I think their real opinions are clouded by the misdirecting fog of their past experiences. It doesn’t have to be a “misdirecting fog” though- learning other people’s opinions can be a wonderful experience. 

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Is it selfish to want to be happy?

God wants us to be happy. But where do we draw the line between personal happiness and selfishness? How do I know if I am working for my own benefit or for God’s if God wants me to work to my best ability? Is it the inherent thought behind the work, or is it the deliberate saying to yourself, “I am doing this for God, not myself or others.” But many things I do, I do to make myself a better person. Is that selfish? God wants me to be a better person, but I don’t always know if I’m doing that for his glory and not my own. I’ll have to be more careful about that. It’s hard though, because being more careful and living in fear can be very close, at least for me.

I’m willing to admit my weaknesses. I think that’s what Christianity is all about- God filling our weaknesses that we admit to Him. It also makes you a more likable person to be honest about your problems. When is too far though? When are you being too straightforward? Is it wrong to paint yourself in a better light in order to get a job or interview? It seems wrong to me, but a kind of necessary evil in order to succeed and get hired. It’s sad. I’d rather air in the side of being honest than not. And I’d rather air on the side of being too careful than not, but it really depends on the situation. This is too vague, isn’t it? Is it distracting that I admit that I am displeased with my writing while I am writing it? Probably.

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I think I like writing. It makes me feel like I have a sense of power, like I have something to say that is worthwhile… worth reading I mean. I can imagine that whoever is reading my writing really does want to read it and cares about every word I have to say. Even if they aren’t the best, my words have worth. I have worth.

But then, critiques… judgments…. people actually reading my thoughts. Am I over-dramatic??

That’s scary. But then again the best things in life are scary at first. I think I’d like to be a more courageous person. 

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Is it possible to be careful without being fearful?

I’ll have to think about that. I want to answer to be yes, but I don’t know exactly how that would apply to my life. I like admitting that I don’t have all the answers- it’s a relief.

Feel free to comment on your thoughts!